Monday, May 11, 2015

Satisfying Fullness

In the past two weeks our life together has been fuller than normal. We've had colds and doctor's appointments, classes and dentist appointments, awful headaches and grandparent's visit complete with the tulip festival, tree limb removal and fuel pump fixing. We've gone on a field trip and a fun trip. We've had several games and practices.
Life has been full. Gloriously and delightfully full.
Now, we are tired. From staying up, from going out and learning, from being so very together for so very many hours, from keeping seriously wonky schedules.
I want to chastise myself for letting everything get so out of hand. I want to cast the blame somewhere for the fullness of our last days even as I see the coming emptiness of the next weeks. I want to carry the shame of having children who bicker in public where everyone can see them and of needing--needing--to be left very much alone. I want to believe I could have done something better, scheduled or said "no"or something. We should never be sooo busy rattles around in my head.

But we WANTED to do all those things. Maybe not the fuel pump, but all the other things were desires of our hearts fulfilled and a short time. I didn't want to say "no" to any of it, except the headaches.

We were coming home from a quick, truly quick, errand running mission this morning. The children were unhappy with each other and enumerating each offence in painful detail to one another while I didn't even attempt to listen. Because we are tired and full. While ignoring my children's complaining and wondering what I should have done, I noticed that the lawns were green and tall and most of the trees were in full leaf. When we left on Friday, I would have said that I saw more sky than canopy when I looked up, but today spring's green has taken over. It is wonderful.
And I realized that spring plodded for a while, but when the time came, spring came in a wild rush of activity. In one weekend the season changed. If spring isn't carrying a burden of shame and blame for bickering squirrels and slowing sap because when the opportunity to say yes happened all at the same time she took it with all her might. Why should I?

Our life was full these past couple of weeks, but it is the satisfying fullness of a whole lot fulfilled desires. I say so long second guesses. Thank you, Lord, for it all!

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