Today

Today is the anniversary of Adyn's birth. So many things hit me this morning. I picked Abigail up to put her in the pack 'n play so I could exercise and the song Dancing with the Angels came on. I couldn't help dancing with Abigail while crying thinking about Adyn.

I am memorizing Lamentations 3:21-22 (or 23):


This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning.
Great is Thy faithfulness.

Abigail is proof that God's faithfulness never fails. He was with us every step of the way, always. Every minute with all we experienced through the life of Adyn. All the time between Abigail and Adyn. At every terrifying doctor's appointment, and every moment till now.

Abigail is fussy this morning. She woke up at 5:50 this morning and refused to go back to sleep. We are leaving morning naps behind in an effort to sleep till 7:30AM. I sigh loudly, try not to lose my patience, and will myself to persevere knowing this too shall pass and is but a short season. Even now He is faithful, here with Abigail and I.

Oh, for Your grace to pour onto me and out of me onto Abigail!<>

Shadows

I've come to understand that separation anxiety waxes and wanes. We had been relatively free of it for a while and now it has reared its ugly little head. I wonder when Abigail is older if I won't long for the days she wanted to stay with us.

Currently she, especially when tired, lives in my shadow--only mine. She just wants held and comforted and to know everything is alright and that she is loved. I confess that I find it at times trying and must sigh-out my patience. I am handling this time much more graciously than I have over the past year.

Maybe I have begun to take more responsiblity for my crummy attitude. Maybe I am deliberately more grateful; I remember the gifts I have been given. Perhaps it is because Abigail has begun to express her own independence and I know that infanthood is waning. I think about the days coming when Abigail will prefer her own room to my presence.

I think it is a combination of all these things. I think, too, that God is speaking to my heart; He is reminding me that children inherit the kingdom of God. How often am I the teenager in my faith: rebellious, passive-aggressive, pensive, pouting? How often do I live in God's shadow: wanting to be in His presence, finding my peace, pleasure, security, and completion in Him? And yet He who has the power to think me gone waits and welcomes. How often do I welcome in gladness Abigail's pursuit and stop to love on her instead of continuing my work? How convicting! I have heart work coming.

Superhero-Princess

Ok, this was days ago, but still very cute. I fed Abigail her 3:00PM bottle, and because she believes that 1/2 ounce belongs on her chin, neck, and chest, I put a bib on her. She threw aside her mostly finished bottle, bib still in place, in order to play. I went about my work knowing that she would be sharing a yogurt with me a little later. By the time we were about to have our snack, the bib was in Abigail's place. Directly opposite its original place. For the remainder of the evening it stayed backwards (with a short stint in the proper place for dinner).

We discussed the statement Abigail was making. Was she the new Superwoman? Or maybe she wanted to make sure we are aware of her princess-hood. I hold to the idea that she was making a stand for her place in our family: Princess Abigail.

Toilet Wars

Abigail is in pursuit of the toilet. There is no bathroom-going privacy in our family because of Abigail. She insists on attending toilet going at all times. The bathroom is of utmost interest. You see, there is all sorts of running water; there is also a giant bowl of swirling water. Abigail is small and sneaky and before one is finished there she is poised to touch the water (and whatever has been left in the water). She has been unsuccessful to this point, but I am sure the Mommy-Daddy winning streak will inevitably end. We will be dethroned from yet another area of control by a child, a little one at that.

A Duck Out of Water

Happy Halloween.

Abigail was supposed to be an elephant this year, but the costume was far more 24 months than 12 months. So after a rush to Target we had a little duck who was unable to treat anyone this year. We had no trick-or-treaters. Hmm, what to do with all that candy.