Tuesday, March 4, 2008
After a night of dreams arming my trio of nemeses, Unworthiness, Inadequacy, and Rejection were sitting poised and ready on the edge of my consciousness all morning. Instead of standing confident to shimmer in the light of My Father my branches were weighted, heavy with the fears of my heart. Convinced this play date idea was a colossal mistake and that I should excuse myself from the commitment so this new person would not know how weird I really am and reject me for my neuroses, I pleaded with God to make me brave.
Thankful that my will was intact and I was going to go through with this, I clung to Ephesians 3. Reading Home Sanctuary I was encouraged by the verse for the month, 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and a sound mind." At times like when considering the relative temperature of Abigail's forehead against my hand and checking every few minutes, just in case, I may question the soundness of my mind, but what an encouragement that this was the verse for the month and that this was the post for today.
The time arrived for the friends to arrive and though they were a little late (yes, I checked the messages just in case I was rejected as weird before the play date even began) they arrived. We had a lovely and long time of play and talk. How long has it been since I've had a real meaningful face-to-face conversation with another woman who wasn't related to me!?! We didn't go to our separate gardens without making another date, next Tuesday at her house. We even confided in our utter lack of courage in doing this before today.
Chris came home and laughed as I told him about this date and the plans for another and the mutual insecurity of the two women meeting in his house this afternoon. He is glad I have friends and especially this one who is a believer, willing to confess her own nemeses. And I am so glad to have one of those friends here in this new place. Needless to say Insecurity, Unworthiness, and Rejection have taken their proper place under the Truth and I can face tomorrow's attack with a little more glory shining forth and a little less weight on those branches.
Maybe that is part of becoming like the holly bush--letting each day's weight ready you for the next day's show. Every day preparing my testimony to the height and depth, length and width of God's love to be given at the wedding feast.