So, I've been feeling a little unappreciated and perhaps a little overworked and a mite blahh. Yesterday, I read Ephesians 1 while trying to ignore Abigail's confined fury at not being able to get out of bed at 6:30 AM. I didn't get much from Ephesians 1 and just felt all the more blahhh.
Today, I got a gift. Abigail didn't start making noise till 7:15 and didn't want up till 7:30. I can handle that. I read Ephesians 1 again. And I was struck this morning as I tried to shake the blahhs by all the "In Him"s in Ephesians 1. When there wasn't an "In Him" there was a "In. . ., He."
I had to smile the tired I-wish-I-had-remembered-smile of a tired child of God trying to do too much by herself. I thought I was all screwed up on the who I was in Christ perspective. I thought I was all screwed up on the what I was to do (all those good worked prepared beforehand) in Christ perspective. But that wasn't it at all. I had forgotten the In Christ of the who I am and the what I do.
You see, I became convinced that my who was able to carry out my what, but that isn't the way it is to work. My who and my what are dependent on the "In Him"s. Without keeping that perspective, without breathing Him in, without feasting on His word and communing with Him my who withers away and isn't able to complete my what. I am who I am IN HIM. My work is given to me IN HIM. If I don't stay aware of that I am destined to doubt who I am and what I am to do.
I don't think it coincidence that I made this connection on the National Day of Prayer or that I picked up a "Mom" devotional about prayer without knowing it was about prayer. Perhaps my "In Him" struggles aren't tied up in how many verses I read but how many prayers I breathe.