Choosing Rejection

I am married. Therefore my life is all about rejection.

When Chris and I started dating, I rejected the advances of other men. At times. I rejected the invitations of friends or families in order to spend time with him. Sometimes I rejected my own selfish nature doing what he would prefer over what I would prefer. I did all these things because I liked him, and he liked me. We were getting to know one another and we had fun together. But I had an out, if any of those things changed I was free to accept advances, accept invitations, and indulge my own selfishness. To be free, though, I would have to reject Chris.

Time passed and things did change. We got engaged. All the things previously rejected were of necessity renounced, no longer would I consider another man, invitations became considered under the plans of two instead of one, and my selfishness would die as I began the art of becoming one with the man I was to marry. I rejected my dreams for travel and big adventure, no longer was I to be a missionary in India. I did all of this because I loved him and he loved me. We were making a promise to one another to make a life together not just have fun together. There was still an out, but a slim one, to be considered very carefully. To take that out, I would have to reject Chris and I would have to reject my very word--the promise I had given to marry.
Nine months later, we were married. Then the rejection really began. In those vows, in that commitment I rejected more than I thought I had. Gone were the days of comparing Chris to other men, over were the times of criticizing him to others, my selfishness was to die right there at that altar.

My desire for my own comfort--rejected.
My control--rejected.
My independence--rejected.
My self-determination--rejected.
My childhood home--rejected.
My parent's authority--rejected.
My family of origin--rejected.
My very name--rejected.
Everything but the Lord--rejected.

All in the passing of twenty minutes. All in the repetition of a few words. All in two "I do"s. So much of myself and so many I love rejected. I did all this rejecting because I loved him and he loved me and we were building a life, a family, a home, an adventure together. We were promising to love when we didn't feel like loving, to tell the truth when it would hurt, to look to another's best interest, to fight and make up, to make love, to sorrow together and to celebrate together. We were taking the long road of unknowables. Yes, there remains an out. A small door to be opened only after deep sin and much consideration and counsel. We agree to never speak of that door. To take that door, is to reject Chris. It is to reject the oneness we have become. It is to reject the child we have and the family we are. It is to reject his family who have so graciously taken me in as one of their own. It is to reject everything I have or know. It is to reject my word of promise, my covenant with Chris and with God and before all those in attendance at our wedding.

Yet all along this road, these twelve years of growing and walking with Chris I did not think so much about rejection as about the acceptance I was giving. With each choice to commit even further with Chris, in our dating, in our engagement, in our wedding and in the dailiness of marriage, I am accepting or I am rejecting. In each decision something must be rejected, but what I gain is of far greater worth. I think less of what I am giving up and more of the intimacy gained, the relationship strengthened, and the ability to fully bask in the committed love of another. But, in light of what I have rejected, I must ask would I make the same decisions? Confidently, I assert, Yes.