Friday, January 30, 2009

Not a Picture

I usually post pictures on Friday, but I haven't gotten to the downloading of the pictures off the camera yet. And there is a more important, to me anyway post being written today.

With the new puppy, I am getting a glimpse of us in 10 weeks--Abigail, Chris, myself. Since the puppy is the baby, I'm not sure what he'll be like. Just praying for housetraining to be complete. It hasn't been a good week.


I wondered often if the Spirit lived here.

My heart turning in on itself desperate for relief from the constant barrage of slings and arrows.

I opened the living room curtains on birds feeding. The scattered with the movement. All but one little sparrow.

The Lord reminded,

You worry too much. I take care of the sparrows. How much more will I care for your loved ones? How much more will I care for you?

And I smiled at the one unmoved sparrow.

Later, dog chewing everything, me reminding him of toy. Abigail finding fun in her playroom. I reading Ann Voskamp. In tears,

I can't do this. Mother two. Look like Christ. Filled with love and peace and patience and kindness.
I can. I want you to do this.
I feel so alone!
You're not. I am with you.
Everything is so wrong.
No, I am with you.

My sister called. While talking with her I realized the tears did what no shower or yelling or exercise could do. The tears opened my heart.

I will be interrupted today. More times than I can count. Everything will take longer than I expect. But I am not alone and that makes all the difference.

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