Friday, February 26, 2010

I Find Myself Explaining

When I am with godly women. Women who vocalize that children are a gift from the Lord. Women who have large families, rejoicing over each addition.

I find myself explaining the way an almost 33 year old follower of Christ has only two children. Two children over three years apart. Though these women never ask, I feel like I need to tell them that we wanted more children by this time, to tell them of the two babies lost before my womb expanded at all, to relate the story of loss at 22 weeks, to talk of the adoption paperwork that was almost completed. I feel lacking in some way and I need to explain away my own inability to understand why God's answer was no these four times. I need to explain somehow these two gifts He said yes to.

The reality is that I will never know, or when the opportunity presents itself--me at His throne--I don't think I'll wonder much--in the presence of Him. The truth is that God gave us these two. This family is His design. These two children His plan.

So today I remember the joy of them. The joy they were intended to bring.

wanting the friendship

I'm her pardener (and she's a task master

the way she strikes a pose

those baby cheeks and the kisses go with them

a spoon and a pot and he'll make music

making bread crumbs together

his fascination with the dishwasher and his persistence

look at that scarf and the concentration

maybe it is anything with a motor making noise

just because she is funny, one of these days she will be embarrassed

1 comment:

  1. I was doing a quick scan of your blog feeling guilty for not having checked it out more often and I stopped and laughed out loud so hard I got tears in my eyes at the last picture!

    God has given you an amazing family and a great sense of humility and humor!

    Bonnie G