I'm entering a contest. A contest to win a scholarship to a writer's conference. Chris is supportive. I am scared. The deadline is tonight--midnight--and all I have are some journal entries and a few sketched out blog post potentialities.
How I want to write! To give voice to the reality of this life and His voice speaking into His people. To talk about what everyone avoids because Moms just don't say those things out loud.
But what of the rejection, of the criticism. These words I pen, or type, reflect my heart at some moment in time. My heart early in the day struggling with the woman, the wife, the mother I am and that which I so desire to be. To have these words rejected, is to be rejected.
Or is it?
In this morning-early-my heart-struggling-leans into Truth.
He will not turn. Already He has accepted my heart in that moment--already I am loved.
Can I hang these words I write on that Truth--
these moments have passed
He has accepted them-me
He has spoken His Word, truth, light, love over those moments
the heart cries have been gathered, accepted, washed by Him.
What man does with the words I share is what man does. He makes me whole.
I am still searching for the right words to submit. I have till midnight tonight. Please pray with me that my words would be God given, that they would glorify Him regardless of the outcome. Also and more importantly please pray that I will indeed hang onto this truth--that He is my God and I am accepted not on the basis of who I am or what I do, but on the basis of His great love for me and the grace He pours onto my life and into the moments of heart crisis. I will keep you posted.