I started writing in my journal about the failure, giving myself excuses and feeling like a massive flake. The reality, though, is I can talk with God snuggling an owl travel cup in my favorite armchair just as easily as I can on a walk-mostly-if I put down the journal and pen. Also, I do have exercise DVDs and a TV so I can just as easily do that sometime during the day. My feelings of early morning epic failure were based on some still hidden perfect-performance-hang-up I have deep in one of the closets in my heart. I place I'm beginning to believe God is wanting to delve into soon. I'm somewhere between relieved and terrified at the prospect of cleaning out this heart-closet.
I've been reading Praise Habit by David Crowder. Referring to Psalm 150, he quotes a Walter Brueggemann: As Israel (and the world) is obedient to torah, it becomes free for praise, which is its proper vocation, destiny and purpose. In this light the expectation of the Old Testament is not finally obedience, but adoration.
And doesn't David, the author of so many of the Psalms, prove this. Epic failures are his, but so is deep adoration. It is that adoration that opens God's hand of promise over his life. It is that turning to God, hallowing of His name, that places Christ in the line of David.
I can relax and I can enjoy all the imperfect goodness in this life, giving thanks to the Giver and that is the point.
:: can't be missed morning cuddles with my gifts ::
:: those heart revealing conversations with my man ::
:: coffee in an owl travel mug ::
:: and the memories of shopping with a friend that go with the mug ::
:: starting again with little changes, here's to six-week terms with one week breaks ::
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