Thursday, May 24, 2007

That Kind of Mom

I have been thinking lately about myself as mom, the kind of mom I want to be, and the ways I am "that kind of mom." You know, the one who stops in the grocery store aisle to talk with her mom friends, the kind of mom who only seems to be able to talk about her children, the kind I promised myself I wouldn't be. I am that kind of mom. But I have some thoughts about her and me.

When I started this blog, I was frustrated by the that-kind-of-momness that was becoming me. Abigail seemed to be taking over my entire existence. And I felt like I was fading into the background. Some of that was as it should be, some was hurts that God has and continues to heal, and some was my own stinking fault as I closed the door on my passions, dreams, and talents.

I was exceedingly wrong to think I was fading away as Abigail was becoming clearer. Yes, she is growing and changing everyday, and more and more of her life and soul and mind are becoming evident. But I am not fading. In fact, I would argue that I too am in sharper focus. My own quirkiness, my dreams, my talents, my sin, my weakness, my emptiness are clearer to me today than ever before. I have much to give glory to God for and I have much to seek His grace for as well.

So, yes, I am that kind of mom. As my life may seem so very small, I would call it so very focused. And in that smallness of focus, my heart and soul are being so enlarged by this season in my life.

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