Buying a Swimsuit Having Given Birth Eight Weeks Ago
I probably don't have to say anymore than that, but I will.
We bought one of those hard plastic kiddy pools after searching through all the stores in Uniontown. Today we opened the pool. Abigail loved it. She would have loved it more had I been getting as wet as she did. I would have loved it more if I had been getting as wet as she did.
(I miss the beach. When I was a child landlocked was a way of life, I wanted to go to the beach. Having spent time living near the beach, I miss the beach.)
Anyway, while she played, I admired Abigail's new suit. It is shorts and a tee-shirt. It is rated at 50 SPF. No messing around here.
My Musings:Why don't I get the choice of such a suit? I need such a suit if I am to be swimming in a kiddy pool in our yard. I have a perfectly good suit. But if I could find better bottoms for the suit that would be good--swim shorts or a skirt--something I don't feel like parts of me are going to fall out of.
So we were off to the mall tonight. Somehow I thought we could make it to Lowes too. That was a mistake I realized at the very first store.
I was feeling pretty good about life after baby. I am exercising regularly. I watch what I eat and replace desert with a green smoothie consisting of spinach, fruit, and milk. (It is better than it sounds.) My weight now is less than it was three years ago and I was six months from birth then. Trying on the top to my bathing suit, the one I thought I would only need bottoms for to be prepared for summer, should have warned me.
I had to take my clothes off in front of a mirror under department store lights! We don't have a full length mirror in our house. And even if we did I don't stare at myself clad only in my underwear. Oh the sight!
Then I had to try on those suits I had picked. Tops that never made it over my breasts. Bottoms that I knew were going to be bad when they hit my knees! And that is only the problems because my size and the suit's size wasn't meant to be. Did I mention that I weigh less now than three years ago?!
Never mind the cleavage issues. The instant I would picked Abigail up because she was frightened of the water, a breast would fall out of the suit. And now that there is a baby who is still learning to use his hands, I would spend the entire time wearing the suit putting my breasts into their rightful spots. Doesn't sound like a day at the beach.
It took two stores and grace to find the suit I have. (I found it putting away the ones that I rejected.) Except that I have a husband who reminds me that he believes me beautiful, I might have cried. That and a God who will whispers grace to my heart, who reminds me to be grateful for the children I have, and the body that is strong, and healthy to bear and care for those childen.
Oh, yes, it was torture--slings and arrows, my visiting friends--insecurity, unworthiness, inadequacy. But I have a suit and tomorrow we will play in the pool and when we go to a public pool I will remind myself of the beauty that walks before me (or rides in the car seat,) and I will be thankful.