Though I Dwell in Darkness

Tears were falling as I came to the Word this morning.

The screen calling louder than paper-bound. I thought I was weak checking email before listening to His voice, but waiting was a message preparing my heart.

The end of a wait is nearing leaving the unknown to rest in our minds--foggy darkness churning stomachs making words tense and terse. Another wait is drawing nigh. We know not what will be. We know the diagnosis--a name with definite meaning, without timeline. I know their soul-weariness, yet I know only in light of our own wait and loss. I, soul-weary from loss so recent, find myself without words. My dear, dear friend and I can only say I pray, my heart breaks and I pray. (Oh how I wish I prayed well, remembering the always. How I wish I could pray with words that have meaning. My heart left only with pained groaning, weary "helps!" uttered.)

With this I come to His Word, trying to make friends with the minor prophets. Finishing Micah. And here in old, old words--eternal Word--I read

But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord;

I will wait for the God of my salvation. 

My God will hear me. 

Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy.

Though I fall I will rise; 

Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.

. . .

Because He delights in unchanging love.

. . .

Thou wilt give truth to Jacob

And unchanging love to Abraham, 

Which Thou didst swear to our forefathers

From the days of old.

Micah 7:7-8, 18, 20

My very life bears testimony to these words. I am blessed by the faith that stumbles through adversity and can speak confidently of His love. Dare I pray the same for this family--as they walk into the unknown, into waiting. Such a prayer brings depths of pain, terrible grief, I can't wish on anyone. But dare I pray it knowing that He can make His promises our very real reality.

My tears fall, when there isn't time for falling tears, for the years with their daughter they are waiting to lose, for the very un-rightness of it all. Without a miracle, they are waiting to walk into deep grief. My tears have been redeemed, they have bought me a testimony of His grace and love, knowing they will grieve, I pray.

If you would join me in praying for God's hand in the final days of this pregnancy, for His great mercy and unending grace to be so very real in this time giving them immeasurable peace, to His glory and their eternal treasure, I would be so very grateful. And would you comment that I may share it with my friends that they would be encouraged.