Temper Time-Out

Abigail is showing her temper more and more. She screams her disgust, rushes her opponent, and head-butts the nearest body part. It would be amusing if it didn't hurt. But it causes charley-horses in my thighs. She goes to time-out for such fits of rage. I have thought about spanking, but she can't hear anything at that point so letting her sit on the steps till she is finished raging is what I've got. And it works. When the tears are over I am met with a contrite child who is ready to talk to me.

I have to share a conversation that occurred last week after the rage, the charley-horse, and the time-out. I walked back to the steps to talk to Abigail.

She began, I sorry I beat you butt, Mommy.
Me: What?
Serious as could be, Abigail, I sorry I beat you butt, Mommy.
Me, attempting not to laugh, I forgive you. Abigail, it is OK for you to get angry but you must not hit when you are angry.

Hugs were exchanged and the morning continued with breakfast. I should note that "beat your butt" is not language used in out home to refer to discipline. Ahhh, what children will pick up as we live in the world no matter what we try to do to keep from being of the world.

Worms. . .

Monday's Mixed Media

And caterpillars.

The last time we were at my parent's the night crawlers were out in force Saturday morning. Their presence gave Abigail such a fright that even after they were gone she couldn't bring herself to walk with us. In honor of the courage she demonstrated this weekend by walking around a mostly dead earth worm, I thought I would feature our current collection of "wormy" books.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle tells the story of a butterfly's life cycle. That little caterpillar eats himself into a stomach ache with junk food and ushers himself into cocoon stage with a proper meal. I love Carle's illustrations.

Webster the Scaredy Spider by Max Lucado tells the story of Webster, a spider scared of almost everything, who learns that bravery and courage are gifts from God. Gifts God wants to give His children. Makes it easier to talk to Abigail about bravery.

Inch by Inch by Leo Lionni is the story of a wily inch worm who is able to escape being eaten by birds. Abigail likes to try to find the inch worm in the pictures.

When I'm Big by Christine Tagg, illustrated by Bill Bolton, tells the story of a caterpillar exploring the lives of various insects to find his future. It's a pop-up book and a creative take on the lives of insects. We enjoy reading it.

What about you? Have you found any books we should add to our library list?

Timing

There is an appointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1

I Didn't Know--Update

We are moving our last home study meeting. I need to be able to clean the kitchen, adore Abigail, and take time to think about something else. So, we are just going to extend the schedule enough that we can get everything ready without obsessing and have our part of the process completely completed at the meeting. I need the closure. My family needs for me to have the closure.

Yesterday I wasn't so good with the Sovereignty of God, but today I am glad I serve a God who knows my family and who has a plan for my family. Thankfully none of this was a surprise and since none of it was a surprise, His plan can't be thwarted.

Picture This

Puppy Love

Template Explanation

Some of you may be thinking that I change templates often. It is true. When life starts careening out of my control (an illusion, I know) I feel the need to change something. Usually my hair.

But my hair is already short and I can't bring myself to commit to color, so the only thing left is the blog. Let's see how many more changes happen before the adoption is finalized. OK how many changes caused by the adoption.

I Didn't Know

We have had things added to our adoption paperwork.

Some of them are things that our agency should have asked for when we were completing our backup documentation. Like Michigan clearances because we haven't lived in Pennsylvania for five years. Can I just say they knew that from the very, very beginning.

Some of them are changes in Pennsylvania law that came into being on January 1st. We got our backup documentation packet December 28th so the FBI clearance paperwork wasn't in there.

And finally some of them are changes just enacted at our agency for the purpose of better serving families in Ohio. (An aside, I happen to be praying for a baby from Ohio who has a mom and dad signing the papers after 72 hours. There is no revocation period in Ohio. Pennsylvania has a 30 day revocation period after signing the papers.) The car seat instruction and the fire inspection don't concern me as much as finding a place to do our first aid/cpr training before June.

We went from having a family profile to create to having all this other stuff. And I really want to keep our May 5th appointment. I may be just a little stressed. OK tons. And I can't stop eating. Whenever I think about the next thing, I want to make some cookies.

Something funny, scary, weird and stressful has come out of this, though. Actually more aggravating than funny but if we don't laugh, we'd scream. I was doing our Michigan Criminal Background checks. Oh yes, you can pay ten dollars and do an internet check of your background. Anyway, I looked at mine and as expected there was no criminal activity. I printed it out. Then I looked at Chris's and there was an incident, an arrest, and a prosecution in 1995! We didn't live in Michigan till 2002. Except for the name, NOTHING matched. But we have to get him fingerprinted (different than the FBI fingerprints) and mail a challenge to Michigan State Police. See funny. Even twenty-four hours later I can't decide whether to laugh or scream.

Pennsylvania's Primary

Today is our primary. I had to share another Onion News Episode with you in light of today's events.



Maybe I am bitter because showing up at the polls is a worthless endeavor for me. I have nothing, nor anyone to vote for. I would be turned away. Ah for November when I can vote for the lesser of evils.

Slim Pickins'

Mixed Media Monday

The pickins' have gotten pretty slim around here this last week, but here's what I've got.

MoneyLife by Crown Financial Ministries--changing the format from Larry Burkett and Howard Dayton this gives more information about all aspects of finances without the calls. This message asks questions to gauge your financial health. Interesting.

Does This Make Me Look Fat by Leah Feldon--12 rules for dressing slim. I spent way more time in front of the mirror than I should have and judged every outfit "fat." Then got distracted worrying about my fashion sense in church. I have my own style, fat or not.

Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough? by The Onion--Chris found this. I laughed.

Self-Control

But the fruit of the Spirit is
love,
joy,
peace,
patience,
kindness,
goodness,
faithfulness,
gentleness,
self-control;
against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

Options

You've heard a little about our neighborhood. It is rough. People are working hard to change the area. Getting rid of the slum lords and resulting slums and building median income housing in their places. I like that about our neighborhood. I like living with people who demonstrate determination and courage. I like living where people are working to defeat evil.

We have seven bars in our neighborhood. That seems enough to me. A woman wants to bring another bar in; she is calling it a restaurant that serves alcohol. The determination that it is a restaurant means that she can be open seven days a week. She also wants to sell six-packs and tobacco products. Again she can be open seven days a week. There is also some indication that she brings the prostitutes to the neighborhoods she has businesses. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Did I mention wrong.

Chris went to the city council meeting last night. People opposed to this establishment spoke and the woman defended herself. There are more than a few issues and the councilmen (women?) tabled the request. Not the least of which is that her neighbors don't want her here! Perhaps her liquor license will expire before it comes up again. One would think that in this representative democracy, the will of the vast majority of people in a neighborhood will be upheld. Alas, the city council decided to not decide. I am disappointed.

I didn't realized how disappointed until I was walking home from the library with Abigail. It occurred to me again that we are richly blessed, Chris and I. If this bar/liquor shop disguised as a restaurant moves into the neighborhood, we can move. If the prostitution picks up, we can relocate. If the slumlords continue to lord, we can take up residence another place.

But what happens to the elderly retired community members who are living on social security and pensions? What happens to the working families who want to own a house but make $16 an hour? What happens to the young family just starting out? What happens to the children of welfare recipients who spend their money at that restaurant? What happens to the family of the woman who becomes an alcoholic? What happens to that wife who finds out her husband is frolicking with the prostitutes with an STD? What happens to the father whose daughter becomes a prostitute?

God says that we are to submit to the government, that the rulers are appointed by God and that part of their responsibility is to restrain evil and punish evildoers. Somehow I think that includes protecting those who are weak, those without option. Bringing money into an area is not always a benefit to the weak and the poor; sometimes governing means restraining evil for the benefit of the people even to the detriment of the coffers. Wednesday night when deciding not to decide, the Uniontown city council neglected these important responsibilities God has given them.

All Over

Well we did it. The home visit portion of the home study is over. Only one more meeting to go and we will be "paperwork ready." The only thing we have left will be the profile to be shown to expecting mothers. Oh, yeah, and waiting. I am actually ready for the waiting. This self-evaluation and marketing is getting old. But I didn't go crazy and make my family miserable as I tried to make our house cleaner than it normally is. So that is something.

Girls, Girls, Girls

Mixed Media Monday

Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans--introducing the star of so many books. I always love a little girl who tells the tiger at the zoo, "Pooh, pooh," especially when it encourages my little girl to tell the cows at Grandpa's and Grandma's, "blablablabla." What can I say, I'm all about brave girls.

It's A Bratz Country by Rod Dreher--he discusses the girl trouble of a highly sexualized culture. Sad but true. I do love the quote about Bratz. So much I had to read it to Chris.

A fitting counterpart to the culture, Cinderella by Steve Curtis Chapman--what more can I say. (Weeping warning. I was holding Abigail when I listened to this and she became concerned that I was sad.)

My Prayer, His Promise

But let all who take refuge in You be glad,
Let them ever sing for joy'
And may You shelter them,
That those who love Your name may exult in you.
For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord,
You surround him with favor as with a shield.

Psalm 5:11-12

Ohiopyle

Southwestern Pennsylvania

Today we went to Ohiopyle, a thirty minute drive from Uniontown, to do some outdoorsy stuff. As we headed out of town, Abigail commented on the "big mountain" to her right and to her left and in front of her. The trees are just beginning to bud turning from the blue grey of winter mountains to the pastel pinks, greens, and browns that hint of autumn. As we start up the mountain, Abigail, not realizing we are indeed driving up the side of a the mountain comments again, but doesn't understand where the mountains went.

We crest the Summit and continue on this relative plateau in the Appalachian mountains through small towns till we come to the intersection telling us we have had enough of the main thoroughfare linking this area of PA with Maryland. True to all roads off of main thoroughfares this one becomes twisted in a hurry. Abigail tired of driving begins to feign sickness until she spots the horses. Quickly the sickness is replaced by the familiar obsession over livestock.

I comment on the change in my vocabulary now that we are back in the mountains. Living in Michigan, happily, counting many wonderful friends and beautiful views, content to call Berrien County home, I would always say "We're going home for a visit." I was concerned with my attachment with my parents and would quickly correct, "We're going to visit our parents." But there must be something about these mountains written on my soul. Now that we live here, halfway between both halves of our family, I say "We're going to my parent's." or, "We're going to his parent's." Maybe I always knew that this was home, these mountains with their ever changing palette of colors.

Picture This

Our Happy First Day of Spring Activities

Reality Discipline

On Tuesday night we went to MOPS. The speaker was talking about discipline--reality discipline to be exact. She based much of what she was saying on Kevin Leman's book Making Children Mind without Losing Yours. I like this style of discipline because it makes sense, the consequences are a natural outcome of the behavior.

We had started some of this already, without having a name for it. At dinner, Abigail would not eat, opting to play instead. We had decided that not eating was fine, but that dinner had to be eaten before the precious eeecweem swandwich (ice cream sandwich). It was working well.

So between the encouragement at MOPS and the success at dinner, I decided it was time to apply the method to breakfast. Both yesterday and today, Abigail got a choice of toast or oatmeal for breakfast. She was to sit and eat it. If not I would put it away, and there would be nothing more to eat till lunch. Both mornings she refused to make a decision. Yesterday she had oatmeal because that was what I was making. And today she had yesterday's oatmeal. I should add that if she had wanted toast today, I would have given her toast. She ate a little more today than yesterday; all the nuts and raisins were consumed and a little of the oatmeal.

She got down to play and the oatmeal was put in the refrigerator. I knew that around 10Am she would begin to get hungry, and she did. "I hungry." I reminded her that she was hungry because she skipped breakfast and would have to wait till lunch. She fussed but went to play as I worked on packing a picnic lunch.

Momma, I no wike it! She shouted from the dining room. I no wike it!

I turned to see a blue mouthed Abigail walking toward me. Bright blue froth working its way out of her mouth, down her chin and onto her pajamas. A quick scan of the room revealed that she had gotten into the egg coloring kit that I hadn't yet put away. I scooped her up spilling blue froth onto the kitchen floor and tried to teach rinsing right then and there. I think she swallowed most of it. Reading the package, I found that egg coloring tablets are more harmful to clothing than to digestive systems.

So, I gave her a bath and brushed her teeth. For some time every time she drooled a new blue streak would run down her chin, but that has ceased. Her teeth are rather blue, her mouth and chin have a slight tint and her hands are quite blue. Other than that she is fine.

We made it to the library, but had no picnic. One little girl was envious of Abigail's blue lipstick. I just smiled.

Did I mention that stuff stains and we have a home study interview HERE Tuesday? It is so funny I can't even bring myself to be worried. Did I mention that this came from MOPS? Tomorrow at 10AM what will she find to ingest?

Unlovely

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart
and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
1 Timothy 1:5

I posted that verse a couple of weeks ago after a post about some negative feelings I was working through--fear and hatred if I must name them. And I must for something happens in the naming; those things named lose their power over me in the Truth.

I like to think myself above things like hatred. I like to think that I am mature enough in my faith to no longer feel hatred toward another person. I like to think that I have surrendered my heart to my Father and so have the hatred removed. I like to think that I am willing to accept another's trespasses and forgive them as I have been forgiven. I like to think that I understand the wickedness in my heart that has been forgiven. I like to think those things.

But they are all lies! Not little, harmless lies that increase my self-esteem, but dangerous lies that damage my heart and my witness.

My struggles came with our neighbors. We live in a house that has a detached two-car garage and little house on the property. Too close to be neighbors, especially when the neighbors are hard to love. But that is where we find ourselves. The family is headed by an older man who is often imbibing alcohol and an older woman (not married) who is always drinking. There are three children between the ages of nine and five who belong to the woman's son but because he is in prison are in her care.

Oh, I was so excited when we moved in. What a little field, I thought. How I can care for them and show them love and let God be glorified. That was September. In the intervening months, the adults have yelled profanity at one another and the children, the children have thrown all sorts of food wrappers all over the yard and sidewalk and stolen Abigail's toys, and the son didn't go to jail in October as promised.

It began. I got aggravated that Grandma sent the kids to me after-school when she was drunk. I became irritated when the kids were bussed to church while the grandparents did whatever they did. I was agitated when picking up their trash. I was incensed when I would see Dad coming to visit. I felt abused when the kids would come to visit and would not thank us for playing with them or feeding them. I was hurt when Abigail's toys came up missing. I became angry when they weren't returned. I couldn't see consequences for their behavior and I couldn't bring myself to forgiveness. Not well liked in the neighborhood, they were fodder for talking. I talked.

The transformation was complete. I couldn't see them without bitterness and anger welling up inside me. I searched my vocabulary for a word other than hate to use, but I couldn't find one.

When that became my word--the naming had occurred, I could pray. Not for them, but for me. This was serious; I am a murderer. I need forgiveness before I can forgive. I needed to taste God's grace, His mercy, before I could extend grace and mercy. My heart was so dark!

And, but for His grace and His mercy, I would still be living in the dark. But there was that verse--pure heart, good conscience, sincere faith--and there was the time--Dad went to prison. Just when the children said he would. He wasn't living on the outside, bench warrant issued. He was living on the outside till his room was ready.

Grandma and the children walked passed me last Tuesday all in tears. My aunt asked why the kids weren't in school. "Because their dad went to prison, today."

I wanted to do something, but I was still wearing the guilt of my sin. I had behaved badly. I was judgmental and self-righteous, I was unforgiving, and I was proud. I was insensitive to the situation they were in. I had been unkind preferring to pretend they didn't exist or giving minimal consideration to their feelings.

What was I to do? Take them a meal or even desert. That seemed trite and really worthless in this situation. What if I was Grandma and Abigail had gone to prison? What would I most want? I made some cards, put them in a pretty box, and delivered them to Grandma. I had a speech all written in my head about how I needed to apologize and how I want to be friends. But none of that came out. I think maybe she heard some of it anyway.

And I heard, too. Because of the grace of God, I am who I am. God loves me and waits for me and pursues me when I am unlovely. And all that I am learning about God is to come to fruition in love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Homestudy Update

Yesterday was supposed to be our middle homestudy meeting where the social worker comes to our house. It was postponed due to a scheduling conflict at Bethany. This week is their licensing review and all staff needed to be in the office. Short notice for everyone, but I pray the review goes well. Bethany has been in the adoption business for many, many years so I really have no fears.

The meeting has been changed to the 15th of this month, a week from today. If you think of us between now and then, pray that God is present in the preparation and in the meeting itself. As I mentioned this is new to all of us. And I sometimes start to feel like it is a test or job interview and that somehow we will fail and will be rejected as bad parents. Funny how having a child both relieves and intensifies those feelings as I see that I am keeping her alive, and seeing even more my weaknesses.

I must trust and rejoice at the same time. God has a family He is building for us, and in my weakness He is strong.

Return

Hi.
Sorry about the brief hiatus. The first of last week really beat me up and taking all your wonderful advice, I didn't worry about that to-do list. Hey, blogging has a spot on the list too.

Sunday we had strawberry milkshakes--some ice cream, some milk, some strawberries and an immersion blender.
Monday I made myself an iced coffee--some leftover coffee turned ice cubes, some sugar, some chocolate syrup, some milk and an immersion blender.
Today we had a park play date. And today, I got out the Cherry Crush and painted my toenails this slightly scandalous shade.

It is officially spring!

To Do List

So the weather here is getting warmer and we want to be outside more. Meaning there is less time inside to get the chores done. Today I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the list still left. Though I did take a shower today, Abigail was awake and playing in the bathroom, I feel like it was so long ago I didn't.
What about you? What do you do when you feel like the days are ganging up on you?