Too Busy

Dear Abigail,

Your mother and father are too busy. We have made too many commitments to other people and you are getting the short end of the stick. When both of your grandmothers on the same day tell me that we have too much other stuff going on, I must evaluate. When you are in tears and unable to give enough loves and smooches to Daddy as he leaves the house, I know something is amiss.

I thought it funny when I was relieved of my Children's ministry duties for almost a year. I thought I would take just the six weeks required by my doctor to recover from Simon's birth. I forgot what infanthood requires of mothers. You at three are so very independent, more sometimes than you should be, but Simon at three weeks old is anything but independent requiring me to constantly adjust, requiring you to wait far more than you ever have. And as we go through this transition, creating a new normal for all of us, you need me and you need your dad with lots of loves and smooches.

I am sorry that you have been shuffled by busyness. I can't, nor would I, apologize for the changes Simon has brought. He is a gift from God and the struggles he presents now are for our refining--yours, mine, Daddy's--and the character created in the refining process is a reward from God. But for the commitments we have made outside our family that are drawing us apart as a family and leaving you distressed by our absence, I am sorry.

Today, I will look at how to cut some of those things out.

I love you,
Mommy

Be Still

Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Psalm 46:10

I got a little devotional book the other day. I need something short and sweet and accurate right now. I haven't figured out how to have a study time yet. Or many other things for that matter.

How often I forget that Simon is not yet three weeks old and feel guilty because I don't have everything all together.

And today's scripture--

cease striving (stop working for God's approval)
know that I am God (your redeemer, merciful, gracious, loving)
I will be exalted (you're not responsible for my reputation-I will work it out in your life).

The to-do list remains. My children with their needs remain. But instead of striving, feeling guilty for all the things remaining on the list, I can rest in God allowing Him to do His work in my family.

Quiet

My Children,

How very long I have waited, dreamed of the plural. The path to this place, daughter playing in her room while son finishes napping, has taken longer than I imagined. The path here has been painful at times twisting and turning in ways we could not expect. The pauses at the destinations of birth filled with excitement, overflowing with joy. A journey to a family of four I could not plot prior to the undertaking. A journey I would not have plotted prior to the undertaking; no, my journey planned was much different-shorter, less painful.

As I sit now the quiet of naptime shattered with infant cries and little girl runnings, I find the journey to this place one of grace, mercy and love. It is a journey at this end I would not refuse, a journey of knowing God, of knowing my husband, of knowing the blessing of my children.

It is a good journey as the God who ordains this journey is a good God.

I love you both.

Monday

Today we are a week old, this new family of four, or five if counting the dog as Abigail insists we must.

Chris went back to work after spending last week with us. So we are trying to get back to normal, a slower normal building momentum as I heal but normal nonetheless. This morning was successful. That is all I can ask for, a spot of time at a time.

Abigail is a kind and gracious big sister showing Simon off to everyone she knows and even people she merely recognizes. A little more weepy than normal I don't know if she is tired or responding to new and needy brother or perhaps a little of both. She insists on being involved in everything especially dressing him. Though I trust her more or less to follow the rules and obey the boundaries, my mother instinct has me wanting her in the same room with me at all times. He is quite a temptation.

Simon is seven days old. He was up twice last night which was fine. He finishes a meal in 20 minutes (Abigail took twice as long.) He cries when he is hungry or needs to burp which he doesn't do easily. He has lounge singer hair when it is clean and dry. We had to shampoo his hair, not just wash his head!

I am sore and tired but relieved to be free of the spinal headache that plagued last week. I just walk though the house picking up and figure that will be enough for the week staying ahead of the clutter that wants to be. Today my staples come out.

We are a blessed family.

Simon

ANNOUNCING

Simon Christopher Jones
born
April 6, 2009
at
7:29 AM

7 pounds 1 ounce
21 inches long

A sleepy, sleepy baby.