Nesting

I realize it has been days and days since I wrote.

I have only one reason. I'm nesting--cleaning, organizing, finding baby stuff. Preparing for our new little one.

At the end of the preparations, I am wiped out. And there aren't words left, just tired feet, a blanket, and the couch till bed. Then it is pillows, quilt, achy back and a sleep disturbed by the need to wake when trying to turn.

Almost to 34 weeks (Sunday)!

Six weeks to go!

Rainy Day

February 10, 2009

Dogs and Girls

1. Rain does not dissuade girls and dogs from taking a walk.
2. Rain boots and dog make girl bold to walk through puddles.
3. Carrying a shovel on a walk creates unimagined fun for girl.
4. Carrying a shovel on a walk is a tremendous distraction for a dog.
5. Dogs blow bubbles in mud puddles.
6. Girls dump shovelfuls of mucky water on dogs standing beside them in mud puddles.
7. A wet dog deprived of the blankets he did his business on will find a way to scoot the tray out of the crate to lie on the carpet.
8. Girls and dogs will interpret water coming out of a pre-maturely ended downspout to be a faucet for drinking and a shower for washing.
9. A girl in rain boots and raincoat will come inside and need every item of clothing changed except her socks.
10. How can one get water to flow inside her raincoat without getting water to flow down her boots?
11. Rain adds to the pleasure of a walk if you are a girl or a dog.
12. Mothers who allow themselves to be convinced that playing outside in the rain with a dog is a good idea because we have raincoats and boots are crazy.
13. But this mother convinced that playing outside in the rain with a dog is a good idea is so glad she went.

Afterthought, when we were expecting Abigail, we had a dog, Tippy, who had to stay in Michigan. She would delight in running through every puddle on our walks. I would laugh. Chris would become disgusted with the mess she inevitably became. When we found we were having a girl, I commented on his disgust with the dog and his trepidation of being a "girl dad".

You know boys are more like dogs than girls are. Boys see puddles the same way Tippy does. Dogs and boys just enjoy dirt and will find a way to be wet or dirty.

Apparently so does Chris's daughter. In fact I dare say she got more joy out of wading through the water and muck than George did.

Power Washing

To: Self

While the rain does a good job of decomposing dog doo, a hose turned on high does not accomplish the same task nearly as neatly. Dog poop will be flung apart. It will clump. It will go places you didn't think it would. I am sure an engineer somewhere, possibly living here, would know this already and be able to chart said poop-power-washed antics. I am not an engineer and watching the rain at work, I assumed that this was a method superior to the plastic bag collection method I was using.

It was not, don't try it again.

Sickness

Dear Abby,

Yesterday, I was convinced that you had the stomach flu. Well, yesterday morning when you threw up four times, I was convinced that you had the stomach flu. Then you ate five pieces of toast between lunch and snack and two glasses of pedialyte. I started thinking that maybe the stomach flu was more something you ate.

Today, you drank from the gutter downspout while I wasn't looking and licked your lips when I outlawed such goings on. You also tried to wash your face from the puddle left in the tray of a dog crate sitting outside the house. After today, I am convinced that your stomach ache yesterday stemmed not from the stomach flu, but from something that entered your mouth when I wasn't looking.

Have you been chewing on George's toys?

Love,
Grossed-out Momma

61 Days

Dear Baby,

Today I heard your heartbeat again. I don't know how many times this makes it, but I never tire of the whoosh, whoosh of life echoed through fluid. This morning your heart beat 158 beats per minute; your movements were blamed for the higher than normal rate.

I also found out that we are not destined for a surgical removal of your body from mine. You do have to come before your due date and you have to be a reasonable size, but Dr. Nahhas told me today that we can wait until April 11th if I want to. All I have to say is come on time and easily. They won't be patient with your entry into this world, but I so want a natural birth. It really will be better for all of us.

I am so excited for you to come. I want to meet you. Today I looked up gender prediction tools. Most of the old wives' tales would indicate you are a girl. So too does the Chinese calendar. Abigail and I think you're a sister. Your father isn't committing to anything. Grammy Sandy already calls you by the boy name we've picked. Too bad you were so modest at the ultrasound!

I want your dad and big sister to meet you. Almost more than I want to meet you, I want to see Abigail's eyes and face when she sees the baby she has been hoping for since we thought about a second child. And your father, I just love seeing him with his children.

I love you.

Impatiently Waiting,
Mom

I Forgot the Camera

Yesterday we went to my parents' house. I wanted to hem our curtains because we got this puppy who will chew on anything so puddling curtains have become more of a nuisiance than a beauty. And Abigail and I needed a change of scenery.

I took my camera. I took pictures of one of their dogs and their cat.

We worked on the curtains. We went to play outside taking George to meet the chickens and feed the birds.

Then we went to the logging job where my dad and brother were working. We were going to watch the log truck load the logs. This is when I forgot the camera. And of course this is when the camera was most necessary.

While waiting for the log truck to show up we needed to distract Abigail. What better way than to build a snowman. I should note that we had none of the normal snowman building necessities. We had only snow and the appropriate clothing for being outside. We make the body and Abigail announces the need for a hat and arms. Arms easy sticks being abundant at a logging site. We improvised. Seeds for hair and eyes and nose. Sturdy weed stems for arms and mouth. It was a cute little snow-woman just the right size for a great picture with Abigail. Her first snow-person. Oh, wait, I forgot the camera!

I also missed documenting Abigail and Uncle Matthew riding on the bulldozer. Abigail balancing on a log, operating the tractor, and running across a landing area.

I would like to feel guilty for not having my camera, but I'm really good with mental pictures captured in words.

I Don't Like You

Dear Pregnant Lady,

I must say I don't like you. I don't like the way you treat my child turning into some roaring woman barking commands at Abigail like she was a programmed robot. I know she doesn't follow through all that well and that she is easily distracted and has a tendency to dwaddle, but the tone you use is awful. I don't like the way you tick of criticisms of the people I love--Abigail, Chris, George--or the random stranger when your out and about. There is no reason to yell at other drivers or to silently deride the obese man in Target for his existence. How ridiculous you are. I don't like the way you move, slow and sore. Cumbersomely completing tasks, allowing shoveling snow to cause days of aches.

You claim to know Christ, to have asked Him into your heart. You claim to be a new creature in that relationship. You claim to have given the Holy Spirit lordship over your life. You claim sanity. Yet here I am writing to you, crazy pregnant lady. Asking you to relieve yourself of this tyrannical hold you have over reality, skewing it to justify your angry, exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed attitude. You should not be in control of anything! And the life of my child should not be colored by the condition of your heart. It is time for you to retire.

Signed,
Non-pregnant Lady Trapped

PS. I should remind you, Pregnant Lady, that your days are growing short. I will return! Tell my family if you have any mercy.

Disappointed

Lord,

My heart sunk this morning. Well it swelled only to sink with the events as they unfolded.

Last night I prayed for some things. That I would be able to get up early enough for time with you. That the dog would cooperate and be quiet in his crate while I had time with you. That Abigail would sleep a little late so I could have time with you.

My heart swelled when the dog wanted to go out early and when he did go out he hurried and did his business. He peacefully ate his breakfast. I was encouraged that you heard and that you were answering my prayer.

Until.

I heard Abigail, before even 7:00 asking to be lifted over the gate. My heart sunk--I thought you wanted to be with me. I thought you knew how much I needed peace and quiet. I thought you would answer a prayer to have time with you. I didn't go back to bed but . . . picked up my computer to check a few things out before opening my Bible or beginning to pray. Before Abigail came to the gate.

Today, I will wonder if the act of picking computer over Bible thwarted the answering of my prayer for time alone with you. Perhaps, You were waiting to see where my heart really was and when I avoided you, You allowed Abigail to rouse. Perhaps You are reminding me that Your timing is best as right now the dog sleeps and Abigail plays in her room. Perhaps what I think I need is different from what I actually need.

Father,
You are my creator. You know what is best for me and for my family. You know the ways you have designed us and the ways our hearts, minds, and bodies work. You know today.
Forgive me for blaming you for my heart sinking. Forgive me for picking up computer before Word. Forgive me for pushing way those little ears when they ask to listen to your Word while I read.
Be with us today. Teach me to number again my minutes that this day may prosper. Allow me to not only accomplish the tasks of today but prepare for the tasks of tomorrow.
Amen

Farewell

I'm somewhere new. I've begun again with far broader goals in a far narrower format. Come check me out at A Lettered Legacy.

Puppy Changes

Dearest Little Abby,We got a dog a little over a week ago. He is a wonderful puppy, 10 weeks old, very tolerant, extra playful. You love our new dog; we all love the new dog.

I had forgotten though the attention that a puppy requires--house training, nipping, chewing, chasing. I didn't think about the time he would take from us: play interrupted, stories fragmented, projects put on hold. When I took him out tonight, I realized how much I miss you. Sitting on the couch with you snuggled up against me watching the Suzie Holmes episode of the Dukes of Hazzard for the tenth time in a row. I miss the mornings when I have time to read before you wake and we look at books. I miss allowing you the freedom to leave your toys on the living room floor until bedtime. I miss the simple distractions and the peace we had. I miss the us-ness.
It was coming. The dog brought the changes earlier, and he brings such joy there is no regret. Just as when baby comes these same changes would be brought. Maybe the puppy is good practice for us all. You get used to another being in the house needing attention. I get to figure out how to make new work. And in the end you have a playmate come baby time.
What playmates you will be! Since George came along, you have been outside in the snow so much more. Before you would cry thinking about getting your boots snowy, now you count down the minutes till you can go outside to play with George. You two play. You giggle, big belly laughs at his puppy-silliness. He seeks you out just for delight, waiting for your giggles. Being in the yard with the two of you brings such joy to my day.

Love,
Mom

Dear Abigail

Today was such a good day. We were good together. Playing, reading, shopping, eating. I am so very proud of you. I am so very glad you are my daughter.

I love the way you cheer others on, including the dog. I get so impatient with your cheering sometimes. It must seem that I do not like that part of you, but I am so proud of the little encourager I see developing in you. You are always ready with a praise, I am envious of that.

And you so desire to be a friend, to be involved in the lives of others. You do come across as bossy. I don't think you mean to and I so want you to grow out of it, now! I am impatient. I fear the way you will learn this will be a painful road. I will always be here for you, loving, encouraging, and praying for you.

I so loved curling up on the couch with you reading Psalm 16 this morning. I so want you to be aware of God's presence always. I want you to experience the poetry and worship and artistry of God. And the Psalms are perfect for that, and for reminding me that God is in this day whatever will come. And reading about the night animals, Creatures of the Night, is always an adventure as you have a new question about something each time we read it. You told George that there were bush babies in the neighbors yard when we were outside playing!

You were so excited to get the books to learn to read. It is an exciting day for me. I am so glad to be starting this journey with you. Excited and scared. Even overwhelmed. I worry that I'm not going to be able to find the time to teach you all you need, care for the coming baby, keep our house and be a wife. I know I get disgusted and easily frustrated when I worry like this. I take it out on you. I'm sorry. Another reason to read the Psalms before we start our day.

You are my girl, and I love you,
Mom