Not a Picture

I usually post pictures on Friday, but I haven't gotten to the downloading of the pictures off the camera yet. And there is a more important, to me anyway post being written today.

With the new puppy, I am getting a glimpse of us in 10 weeks--Abigail, Chris, myself. Since the puppy is the baby, I'm not sure what he'll be like. Just praying for housetraining to be complete. It hasn't been a good week.

Anger.
Frustration.
Impatience.
Ugliness.

I wondered often if the Spirit lived here.

My heart turning in on itself desperate for relief from the constant barrage of slings and arrows.

I opened the living room curtains on birds feeding. The scattered with the movement. All but one little sparrow.

The Lord reminded,

You worry too much. I take care of the sparrows. How much more will I care for your loved ones? How much more will I care for you?

And I smiled at the one unmoved sparrow.

Later, dog chewing everything, me reminding him of toy. Abigail finding fun in her playroom. I reading Ann Voskamp. In tears,

I can't do this. Mother two. Look like Christ. Filled with love and peace and patience and kindness.
I can. I want you to do this.
I feel so alone!
You're not. I am with you.
Everything is so wrong.
No, I am with you.

My sister called. While talking with her I realized the tears did what no shower or yelling or exercise could do. The tears opened my heart.

I will be interrupted today. More times than I can count. Everything will take longer than I expect. But I am not alone and that makes all the difference.

Gifts

I am a pretty optimistic person, most of the time. Most of the time except January, and December. Those months take a toll on my optimism, really by the time January ends I am pretty battered and we have bought bedroom cabinetry, all sorts of next year's clothes, a laptop, a new desktop (though that was more Chris than me), and a dog with all its paraphernalia.

So we start February talking about how to replenish our savings. I think it has something to do with the dark. When I start fixing breakfast in the haze and gray of January winter mornings just waking and when we eat dinner in the light of the moon, being required to turn the headlights on on the way to dinner if we eat out (we do a lot of that too in January), my spirits can't help but wane.

Hopefully next year I will remember this and perhaps start looking for the gifts without qualification earlier.

Gifts I've found without over-thinking them.

1. The dog pooped outside--the entire pile of stuff outside. No clean-up inside.
2. Everyone but me is asleep but not for long, because I am going to sleep.
3. When I got up last night to take George outside, there was a fresh blanket of snow on the ground.
4. I'm the mommy and as such no one can fix aching ears by cuddling but me.
5. The pharmacy employees at Target are the best. I love them.
6. Amber at A Classic Housewife in a Modern World reminds me that knowing why I ask Abigail to do something is as important as getting her compliance.
7. Rachel Anne at Home Sanctuary and her simple things especially giving me the freedom to say that I am a pregnant mother of a preschooler and a recently purchased puppy and even if the dishes are still on the counter while the dishwasher sits empty, I choose to take puppy and preschooler outside to play.
8. McDonald's Play Place with a good friend.
9. A vacuum cleaner serving as an art piece, still-life, in the living room. We have a closet for it; we have a new puppy and a preschooler. Putting it away doesn't make sense, unless you are coming over.
10. Working on this post before I wanted to post it.
11. A husband who allows me to be human when I want to beat myself up for imperfection.
12. Reading the Psalms aloud with a little girl listening because she wants to hear mommy read from her Bible.
13. Listening to a little girl "read" the Bible. Everything is all confused but she loves the Word.
    

There is something about viewing the little things, the mundane, as treasures that gives the routine and plans of the day their joy. It gives life rhythm. That is the blessing of gratitude.

Digital Photos

I've been staring at a blank screen all day wondering what to write today. Then a friend who I haven't seen for years commented that there are no pictures on my facebook page. I don't do pictures well anymore. The uploading, the uploading, the ordering, the possibility for editing.

I have a very nice camera that I received as a gift in college, a camera I searched for and researched. A camera that uses film and gives me little editing power. Of course, I can't upload those pictures to any number of websites.

But I get hung up on the editing. I have the power to edit so all of my pictures should look like they are professionally done. And they never get uploaded. Who has the joy that way?

And I am hit again by my pride, by my perfectionism, by the part of me that robs me and others of our joy. So when I get the dog in the crate, the paperwork complete, and the child to bed, I'll upload pictures with abandon. Just the way they are

For All That's Happened

In the last 36 hours, I'm having fun with Abigail and George. It took a girl reading a playing contentedly and dog finally pooping outside to do it. But maybe this day will turn around, or I will remember the gifts of the day.

Menu Plan

Trying something--I've done it before but never stuck with it.

Monday--Spaghetti and salad

Tuesday--Baked fish with veggies

Wednesday--Cheeseburger Soup--find a recipe or use the one from BHG

Thursday--Pork Roast with potatoes, carrots, onions

Friday--Leftovers

Saturday--Birthday dinner for Mom (eating out, yay)

Sunday--Superbowl (does anyone have plans?)

Menu Plan Monday is hosted by I'm an Organizing Junkie.

Manic Mondays

We don't always do so well on Mondays. It is the grit my teeth day that can easily spill into a grit my teeth week.

I blame it on my weekly schedule that puts grocery shopping on Monday after a weekend of later nights, and running around that leaves us all a little discombobulated.

Why did I ever schedule grocery shopping on a day I would much rather be home recovering from the weekend and getting our house in order?

Last week I switched the schedule with Tuesday. Staying home Monday, going out Tuesday. It did work better. So welcome housework Mondays.

Oh, wait, I have a doctor's appointment this morning! What would that make this Monday?

And I am far enough along that this signals the beginning of my two week appointments--29 weeks!

We got a dog this weekend. A black lab who we named George. Abigail wanted to name her brother George but that wasn't happening. This dog has a George shaped head and eyes. He is, though a big black spot wherever he is so I am/was tempted to call him Rorschach.

So doctor's appointment, potty training a person and a dog, keeping three-year old's toys safe from dog's chewing mouth, and putting away all the stuff of the weekend. Definitely a manic Monday.

Lord, let me see You, in the faces of those you have placed in my life and the suroundings you've placed me in. Let me dwell in Your presence and be ever looking for the gifts you have placed in every day.

Facebook

My new thing this week: facebook. Possibly the reason this post is getting done at 7:30 on the Saturday it was to be posted.

Feeling guilty, I emailed a friend from college to be informed that everyone (mostly) from college was on Facebook and that some of them had children and were expecting. Fun things like that. She also said it was easier and took less time than email.

So I joined. Easier than email, yes. Though the catch-up is a little strange. The less time though is where I am getting caught. Every time I look at my email there is someone inviting me to be friends or some comment to check out! And I haven't even gotten to the picture parts.

I have to find a picture or some pictures for the page. And time to actually write status reports. And to keep up here.

Perhaps I bit off more than I could chew.

Lemonade

My friend at cindygert makes beautiful one of a kind bags by recycling wool sweaters, leather belts and clothing, buttons, and fabric. She also nominated me for the lemonade award. Without knowing that I have been feeling far more like lemons than lemonade.
Thank you dear friend.

Now I get to share the love and nominate 10 other bloggers.
Home Sanctuary
The Hectic Years
A Classic Housewife in a Modern World
Fragile Flower
Pocket Lint



And if you choose to participate this is what you do

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude or gratitude!!!

3. Be sure to link your nominees with your post.

4. Let them know they received the award by leaving a comment on their blog.

5. Share the love and link this post to the person that gave you the award

Guess This Mood

Part of our bedtime ritual consists of sharing at least on thing each of us are thankful for. Abigail has taken to calling it "Our Thankfuls" only it comes out more like fankfuls.

One night's conversation, the first of its kind.

Me: Abigail what are you thankful for?

Abigail: I'm not fankful for anything. Complete with furrowed brow, perfectly-pitched whiny voice, and pouty lips.

Gifting

How often do we look a "gift horse in the mouth" checking to see if it really is as good as the giver believes it to be.

The snow is beautiful, a reminder of how far my sin is removed from me. BUT Abigail hates to walk in it and it makes a wet dirty mess in the shoe area and we get stuck inside.

Birds are coming to the bird feeder hiding in the discarded Christmas tree. BUT I get interrupted six times a day to look and identify the birds as, well, birds and they eat all the seed and it is cold and we are stuck inside and I have to go out and make a mess in the shoe area.

We are well provided for between the grocery store and the canning and freezing of the summer and fall we will not be hungry for a long while. BUT my pantry is a cluttered disorganized mess that needs adjusting every time I look for anything.

We are able to put new cabinetry in our bedroom to make room for our new baby to stay with us so I won't have to traipse all over the house at odd hours. BUT the staging area is our living room which has piles of boxes, hardware, and cabinet pieces all over.

Abigail slept during her nap for 3 hours yesterday and I realized what I was doing. When so angry at the customer service department of our internet service provider that I wanted to beat the phone off the table, I became thankful that she was sleeping till I calmed down enough to not take said anger out on her innocent interruptions EVEN when it meant that I kissed a still awake girl goodnight before I went to bed. She was pleasant for the afternoon and she played quietly and well in her room from bedtime till she fell asleep.

So I'm through looking those gift horses in the mouth. The horse may keel over at any moment but for this one, I have a gift and I'm going to experience it for what it is, a loving God wishing to give me joy.

Instant Oatmeal and Lentil Soup

This week, I decided on two new projects--recipes. I was hoping for a pattern or book or something but we had food issues.

Chris was running out of oatmeal packets and needed more instant oatmeal for work days. I had seen a recipe for making your own instant oatmeal and thought it had to be better than the stuff in the packets. Where is the fruit, really?

The recipe is easy. I modified it from the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook I have.

11/2 c quick oats
1 c dried fruit
1/4 c nuts
1/4 c packed brown sugar
1/2 c dried milk optional-
(I like creamy oatmeal and the packets aren't what I would call creamy.)
1/2 tea. cinnamon
1/4 tea. nutmeg

Toast the oats if desired. Stir everything together. Store in an airtight container.

To serve, microwave 2/3 cup oat mixture with 3/4 cup water for 1 minute. Let stand till mixture reaches desired temperature. (Chris doesn't microwave the water and oats. He uses the hot water from the dispenser at work.)

Verdict: better than the packets. I will keep making it this way as it can be done in the time it takes to make out regular oats. When the summer comes and we can get fresh fruit, I will dry it so I won't have to buy dried fruit some of which is expensive. I assume this is cheaper considering a tub of plain instant oatmeal costs about the same as a 10 packet box of the other instant stuff. And Chris uses 2 packets for breakfast! I can pronounce everything I put in the mix too. Always helpful in my book.

The other food issue we had revolved around a ham Sensus gave to Chris for Christmas. It was huge! We had it for small group and used less than a quarter of the thing. Lots of ham. Finally, I cut it up to freeze for potato soup and other meals when baby comes. Even after all of that we had a bone left over. That calls for soup. I had lentils, more than I have recipes for. So I used the recipe on the bag of lentils praying that Chris would enjoy ham and bean soup from this recipe. Normally he doesn't like bean soup. It was also a success. So much so that he is looking forward to soup for lunch next week and said it is a repeatable recipe. Woohoo!

The recipe is also pretty easy.

1 lb lentils
1 meaty ham bone
1 clove garlic
1 onion
1 stalk celery
1 carrot
2 bay leaves
1 tea. mustard
1 small can tomato paste
salt and pepper to taste

Wash lentils. Chop veggies. Place everything but the tomato paste in a large pot with 3 cups water. Bring to boiling. Reduce to simmer. Simmer for 11/2 hours. Remove ham bone. Remove and chop the ham from the bone; return to pot. Stir in the tomato paste.

Everyone liked it. Abigail and I added a healthy dollop of sour cream. Perfect for this weather!

Still looking for buttermilk recipes from the failed yogurt experiment!

Picture This

By Abigail
What happens when you spend 45 minutes on the phone.

Ugly Woman

From January 5, 2009

Today was an awful day. It just kept going downhill all day. Abigail was out of sorts. I was out of sorts and sick and tired.

The ugly woman cam out. I try so hard to keep her hidden, but I can't. Beating her down, into submission, to beauty is only so effective. Eventually she plots her revenge partnering with the prince of this world. I am powerless to overcome.

An over-stimulated heart, mind, and soul insures my demise. I need moments of quiet, havens for heart cries and God whispers. Tonight, it was a shower--hot just beyond comfort. The temperature skincare professionals say to avoid washing away the tension captured in muscles and nerves tried from striving. Tonight, it was making dinner listening to daddy and daughter in play. Tonight, it was finishing the other big thing on the list. Tonight it was "Dukes time" cuddles.

New Lead Testing Legislation and You

Doesn't sound interesting does it? But it is. This new legislation effects products marketed to children including handmade and used items. Good by Etsy and Ebay and thrift stores.

Please take the time to read through these excellent articles and to respond by signing the petitions and by writing or calling your lawmakers. Links to the petitions and information on contacting your Congresspersons are in the articles.

CPSIA and the Blessed Nest
Rocks in My Dryer

For the sakes of talented, creative women who create wonderful products for children and for the ability to donate/buy used children's items to/from charity, don't let this opportunity to pass you by.

Dubbed Supergirl

A "Supergirl" can carry a purse, a bag with a potluck contribution, and a three year old obsessed with avoiding snow walking.

I am a
Supergirl!

Girl-not woman, not mom.

Supergirl

**According to the three year old with dry boots.**

In Him

Ephesians 1:1-14

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints who are at Ephesus, and who are faithful in Christ Jesus: Grace to yo and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.

• In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.
  
• In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth.
  
• In Him also we we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all thing after the counsel of His will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.
  
• In Him you also after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation-having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory.

In this year of developing rhythm, hiding His word in my mind, often so scattered and quick to jump to idleness, can perhaps bring order and joy and discipline and rhythm to the outside.

To keep me on track, I've joined the Mega Memory Month challenged hosted by Ann Kroeker. Do you have something to hide in you mind and heart?

New Stuff

This year I want to keep trying new things. I find that I like trying something new. It makes me feel alive and fresh and new. It brings me joy. So each week I want to try a new recipe or pattern or author. Just something I haven't tried.

This week it was yogurt. I tried to make homemade yogurt in my slow cooker. No, ladies, I did not just make the recipe up. I found it here. I had read in a magazine at my parent's house that it was possible with a stove, a cooler, and warm water. But that was three things I needed and it all needed monitoring! Slow cooker yogurt was the way for me to go.

It is actually very simple--if you read all the directions. Not quite a flop, my yogurt turned out more like buttermilk than yogurt. I forgot the comment that ultra-pasteurized milk would not work and used said milk. Currently some of the yogurt is being strained with the hope that it will reach the correct consistency. I used it in place of milk on my oatmeal and it was yummy with the honey and fruit and nuts. I will probably make many, many buttermilk pancakes tomorrow.

Does anyone have any other uses for buttermilk, preferably ones that can be frozen?

Picture This

Glee

How To

I need blogging help!

How do I email someone in response to a comment they left on my blog? Sorry to all those who've left comments and haven't gotten a response. I don't know what to do.

Also, I have a Yahoo! email account and can't get it to work with Outlook so when I want to email someone to be part of their carnival or whatever, I can't get it to work with just the "email me" link. And I am really out of luck if they don't have their email listed.

I realize I have been at this too long for these questions, but I am a rather undisciplined blogger and one of my goals is to become more disciplined, or at least more interactive with others.

What's Your Name

We made it through the twos without too much incident. Really other than stubbornly refusing to be potty trained, the twos were easy.

The threes started shaping up questionably in October, technically before three, but there was definite foreshadowing going on. We have been struggling with a girl who wants unrestrained, unequivocal independence.

No bossing, no restrictions=happy Abigail.

Restrictions or commands=cranky Abigail.

Last night, we went to T@rget for milk and medicine refills. Abigail wanted doll clothes. We weren't getting doll clothes primarily because said retailer does not carry the desired clothes.

Informed of the fact, Abigail went into cranky mode.

(Before I complete the story, I should say that she has been calling herself Agaba for over a year. She just couldn't get Abigail out properly and for a while I am not sure she really got the nuances in the sounds because she didn't try to change her pronunciation of the word. But recently she has been practicing and she has succeeded in re-writing her name in her mind. She worked hard and is proud to pronounce Abigail as it is intended.)

As I was saying, she entered cranky mode. I thought I could distract her in a really positive way as Chris isn't accustomed yet to hearing Abigail come from Abigail's mouth.

What's your name? I asked.

She responded despondently, I don't have a name.

Really? I questioned, Why don't you have a name?

Because I don't want one.

Giving up, we just laughed and dropped the subject. What if someone heard it all and thought we were kidnappers? What if it was one of the people in S@bway who heard Abigail's enraged screaming fill not only the restroom but the entire building?

I will be sympathetic to the mothers with children screaming in the store. I will. I will.

Named

Still thinking about this upcoming year, or should I say the year upon me now, and about resolutions and change, I am inspired by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. She writes about naming the year. It is a wonderful read.

And it made me start thinking about all the questions and ramblings I've scratched into my journal over the past two weeks. The desires and hopes in black ink on white paper. The ideas following me throughout the day keeping my heart busy in hushed prayer. As I read, I questioned,

Is there a name for this year before me?
A way for me to both mark and plan time?
Is there a word, or two, that will encapsulate all that I have been marinating in during this time of end and beginning?

And what of the last year, was there a heart cry, a longing waiting to be called forth, to be given word?

There are many words I have been mulling over in this middle ground of end and beginning:

order, routine, peace, discipline, rhythm.

Words that set my heart and focus my mind. Words that hold hope and potential and poetry. Oh, I want my year to have poetry, to possess beauty, to be more than plan and organization and steadfast perseverance and willful stubbornness to accomplish a list of goals. More than self-control--let that be the fruit of the year not the method to make it through!

All that said, from my list, I have picked a name for 2009

Rhythm.

More than order and routine, rhythm implies presence and peace, discipline and joy. Rhythm is a word to be shared as this year is time to be shared. Rhythm hints at the sacred.

So as I seek to grow ever closer to Him to gifts me this time and to mirror His Son to my world, may my life be ever filled with the rhythm of the sacred, the presence of the Spirit.

Will You Pway with Me?

I hear the question many many times a day. It follows me from task to task. A little voice asking always, Will you pway with me? Often I find myself scooting passed the question, mumbling something about in a few minutes when I'm finished, asking almost always asking the little voice to wait. To play on my time and on my terms.

I've begun to wonder if the voice is asking so much for play or just recognition. An invitation to be part of the activities of the day. To contribute to the making of the home the person behind the voice occupies. What if the dishes and the cooking and the cleaning became part of the game of the day? What if the tasks took longer to do because two people worked together at them? What if room was made in the grown-up activity for little voices to grow and learn and share? What if the day, the routine, the rhythm became infused with relationship such that where beginning and ending were blurred?

And if this is so with a little girl given by God, perhaps His voice whispers Will you include me? Will I infuse each activity with the grace of God? Will I make everyday holy, each moment standing on holy ground?

Can my heart become such that every day is bound up in loving God, loving others? Can my will and my mind carve out the place for my heart to do its work while they do theirs?

What will all of this look like? What must I build into our lives to create this kind of home? Organization. Routine. Decor. All reflecting the presence of God and the presence of the people in this space and in each task.

Today

I don't want to be a mom.

It's been that kind of day.

Posting Something

I want to post Monday through Friday daily. I haven't had such a good start. Chris has been off work and I've had a cold and we've worked around the house since the end of 2008. Putting off posting and squeezing putting words to New Year's goals in little leftover spaces. Sometimes that seems best, I tend to marinate in the ideas when I have only a few minutes of making them concrete. The ideas follow me around, questions in my mind, prayers breathed throughout the day so that when I do sit to write I don't waste the time or the words.

Today I don't have much to say, but I did want to post and to express to you all my desire for a Happy New Year.